5 CrossFit Facts Your Coach Isn’t Telling You!

Beginner CrossFitter’s have so many questions about the slang and style of workout’s, but nobody seems to ask the most important questions like “What should I wear to WOD in?” Sure, any normal person would think regular workout attire, but ask any CrossFit coach he might tell you something different.

Here is my list of the 5 most important facts that you need to know.

Fact #1:

ATTENTION Ladies: Your yoga/workout pants are completely see through. I see London, I see France, the entire box can see your underpants!

Be sure to do the “downward dog test” (yea you know exactly what I’m talking about) in the mirror before leaving the house my lady friends. The CrossFit prescription is constantly varied, high intensity, functional movements. A.K.A. constantly in a deep squat, very often, showing your goodies to everyone around you! I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your CrossFit coach isn’t critiquing your snatch technique……he’s most likely checking out your other snatch!

See here in the picture below, that’s my coach. Is he looking at my clean or my snatch? That’s a trick question. Thankfully I am confident enough to say those shorts are fail proof and would pass the mirror test with flying colors.

THRUSTER

I learned my lesson early on and now it’s my rightful duty to pass it on. Do the mirror test before stepping foot out your door.

Fact #2:

Women, empty your bladders before doing double-unders, you may pee yourself.

This one is directed specifically to all the mommies out there, apparently child birth does some interesting things to your insides, and your bladder inparticular. Watch this video ‘CrossFit – Do you Pee During Workouts‘, and you won’t feel like the only CrossFitter suffering from this problem.

I usually empty my tank before every WOD just to be safe.It doesn’t hurt to feel a little lighter.

Fact #3:

Men, invest in some compression shorts. Just because the kettle bell is swinging doesn’t mean everything else is should be!

This is an awkward topic, but it must be addressed. I’ve seen some pretty interesting workout attire come through my box, good and bad. Like many other CrossFitter’s out there, the first thing I do before packing my gym bag in the morning is check the WOD (workout of the day) so I can pack accordingly.For instance if there are rope climbs on the agenda then I will pack pants and long socks. Another example: If the WOD includes anything high impact like double-unders or running I always pack my most supportive sports bra. Well same thing goes for the fellas out there. Just because you don’t have fun bags bouncing on your chest doesn’t mean we don’t see what’s going on below the belt. Long story short so I can spare you the details, compression shorts make the world a better place.

Fact #4:

 Your family may think you’re in an abusive relationship because of the lash marks on your body from attempting double-unders.

A good friend of mine posted this aftermath picture from the 14.1 CrossFit Open WOD.

Dubs lash marks

You may be asking, “Is the pain really worth it?” Yes, it is! Conquering the double-unders seems to be every rookie CrossFitter’s first goal. In order to master this skill, it takes practice and when you practice the lashing begins! Just a small tip, wearing pants or long socks on double-under days will help with some of the whip marks. 

Fact#5:

Beware of the permanent poop stain on your bare booty from butterfly sit-ups.

I’m happy to say that for whatever reason this one never happens to me! But, I do know plenty of other people that suffer from this awful problem, and unfortunately I’ve seen it with my own two eyes. If you decide to conquer Annie (double-unders & butterfly Situps, 50-40-30-20-10), take a peak at your bum before jumping in the shower. If 150 butterfly sit ups don’t give you the poopy-like friction rash then you’re in the clear!

So there you go, five facts your CrossFit coach probably didn’t tell you before you signed up. I’m sure this list could go on and on but do your friends and box-mates a favor and spread the word. Ain’t nobody wanna pee there pants! 

Question

Are there any other CrossFit facts out there that you’d like to share?

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